... when the visit to the cancer center feels like a date because a) you're with your husband, b) you're not with your kids, and c) you get to pick up Starbucks on the way.
Surgery #2 is scheduled for mid-November, this time with Fancy Cancer Doctor In The City who will henceforth be referred to as She Who Cannot Be Rushed thanks to the seven lifetimes I have already spent in her waiting room. CT scan showed nothing much remarkable, other than a small random blob of something floating around in the space where my ovary used to be. Perhaps Dr. Furry left behind a calling card? Dangled a clump of silvery chest hair into the cavity and snipped it free? Whatever. Dr. Furry, you're allegedly a qualified surgeon, and I'm really happy for you and I'ma let you finish, but maybe next time you could try not using, like, salad tongs when you operate.
When I scheduled the second surgery, the office staff informed me that She Who Cannot Be Rushed asks all of her patients to do a "bowel prep" the day before their procedure. When I asked what was to be involved in said bowel prep, I was given the following three instructions:
1. Drink a prescription substance called, I kid you not, "Go Lightly."
2. Eat nothing but clear liquids.
3. DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE.
So there's that. Is it wrong that the first thought I had was, "well, at least I'll finally have something funny to blog about again..."?
And now I'm officially shutting up about all this. This morning I got an email telling me that a friend and former colleague is in a hospital waiting room, waiting while her fiance gets a heart transplant. Perspective. It's a bitch.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Perspective grants empathy - it doesn't mean your own shit doesn't matter.
I visibly cringed when you mentioned Dr. Furry's chest hair perhaps being lodged in your nether regions....
"Go Lightly" is a terrible misnomer - absolutely do not leave the house. Also, get a padded toilet seat and a really good, long book. Might as well drag the dog's bed into the bathroom, too.
And please let us know if there is anything we can do to support you.
Better a physician who takes her time (your time!) and is safe and accurate, than a surgeon who apparently operates with salad tongs.
"Go Lytely" represents a gallon or so of electrolyte solution (you add the water) best taken over lots of ice. All my best wishes for your recovery. CJ
I can't believe I just read
"cancer center" and the post was about you. You're dealing with a new baby and going back to work and now THIS? I'm so sorry to hear it. But good for you for getting a second opinion. I hope all goes well from now on.
Post a Comment