Pop quiz

Which of the following things did I NOT do this morning?

1. Put on a giant dinosaur costume, including five-foot-long tail and enormous headpiece equipped with tiny holes for "breathing" and "vision." (In quotes because I could neither breathe nor see.)

2. Allow my boss to lead me through downtown street traffic in said costume.

3. Watch as my boss abandoned me to stand in a buzzing huddle that appeared to consist of McGruff the Crime Dog, the Cat in the Hat, Little Bo Peep, a rabbit, a giant tooth with eyes, a gentleman wearing the top half of a Winnie the Pooh costume over blue jeans, and a jolly cow.

4. March several blocks in a parade for children, in the company of the aforementioned characters, a high school marching band, and a garbage truck.

5. Trip over my huge dinosaur feet, only to be rescued by the jolly cow who, upon closer inspection, turned out to be a dalmatian.

6. Dance blindly and exuberantly to "If You're Happy and You Know It," only to be told later by my boss that when I was supposed to patting my head I was actually pawing myself in my giant dinosaur eyes.

7. Wipe out a baby with my tail.

8. Shower.