I've been self-censoring for days about writing this post, mostly in deference to the maybe two or three male friends (Hi Christopher) who occasionally read this blog. But then this morning I was at the Y, sweating all over an elliptical machine, and I realized: Wait. Dudes, your mothers bleed every month; therefore, you exist. The end. And I will hold back no longer.
Last week I got my period for the first time since the miscarriage. This is a good thing, in that it means my body is getting back to normal and sometime in the next few months we can start "trying" to conceive again, provided that my husband ever stops working for long enough to come within five feet of me. Which is unlikely, considering I just received a gilded invitation asking for the honor of my presence at a ceremony binding him to his laptop in holy matrimony. BUT I DIGRESS.
My period: ohhhh, it was awful. People, I have been on birth control pills since I was 18 years old. I am presently 32. For the better part of 14ish years I have been either pregnant or enjoying a wee little minimal-flow, highly regulated tidbit of a menstrual cycle. A cyclet, if you will. Before I got pregnant in early 2006, I was off the pill for a measly two months and got my period exactly once during that time. Now, granted, that one time was an awful, crampy mess, but it was nothing compared to the present day. The present day in which I drown in a sea of my own womanhood.
All week last week it was all I could do to stay a) upright, and b) out of the bathroom. I was bleeding like it was going out of style. There were a couple of nights where I actually got lightheaded and felt anemic. I spent Friday and part of Saturday with Laurie in Chicago, visiting a generous sample of the Windy City's restrooms as we made our way between downtown and Hyde Park. I'm not exaggerating: I had to stop to resupply almost every ninety minutes. It was ridiculous.
If we're lucky enough to have things go our way this time around, I'll be knocked up and happily puking my way through the day before I have to suffer through too many more of these weeklong bloody massacres. But after that -- what then? Despite my dearest hopes, I'm guessing it's not in my best interest to stay on birth control pills forever. Along with Splenda, Nalgene bottles, and my cell phone, the pill is likely yet another delightful development that is secretly giving me cancer. When I finally bid the pill farewell, is this how it's going to be, like, all the time? Am I doomed to spend 12 solid weeks -- 84 days out of the year -- incapacitated and afraid to sit on the furniture?
And please forgive me if this is a personal question, readers, but I know that some of you use the Diva Cup, and to you I offer the plaintive cry: good Lord in heaven, HOW? Because I swear to you, I would need a Diva Tupperware. Or a Diva Moat.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
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16 comments:
I'm just now experiencing my first "real" period since I had my twins in November and I'm right there with you. The post partum bleed fest was nothing compared to this unmanageable mess. I'm going to go stand next to the freezer and eat ice cream out of the carton now.
You know, I've lived with women, and given that 97% of my friends are female (a lot during the "we share too much of our lives with each other" period of ours lives), I've had my share of menstrual exposure. I do feel bad that I cannot share your pain.
Oh man, I know what you mean. I went off the pill for about a year before I got pregnant, and toward the end, I was like, "Honey, if we don't get pregnant this time, I have to go back on the pill and we're never having children. Sorry, but I just can't handle the periods."
I angst and angst and angst about the Pill, which is, as you point out, secretly giving me cancer, or blood clots in my leg (the idea of which makes my leg throb every time I read the Pill's warning booklet, which is more frequently than is normal or advisable). It is also causing my pee to make innocent frogs and fish into hermaphrodites, which weighs heavily on my mind.
On the other hand, I do use the Diva Cup, I know exactly when my period will come (and it's never on the weekend), I rarely get cramps, and I am a selfish frogwrecker. I fully expect to burn in hell, and while there, I fully expect to be tortured by male fish with womanly breasts.
Man that sucks.
Most of my periods are like what you describe. I think I feel bad more easily because I am borderline anemic on a good day so add a heavy period on top of that and it is a wonder I have the energy to blink.
Dude, I'm so sorry. I totally know what you're talking about.
The first few cycles after the baby were rough, but now I'm heavy every other month. The other months are light. That could just be me but I'm not on The Pill so maybe that helps?
And Diva Tupperware made me LOL for realz.
Post-miscarriage periods can be worse than 'regular' ones, which are irritating and long enough as it is.
I use the diva cup. After folding if you do a, er, well, size comparison, you'll see it fits inside just fine considering what else does.
And it works. Really, really well. I have super intense 2 days of massive bleeding where I dump the cup every 3-4 hours. Beats a tampon every 1-2 hours that leaks anyway. And the wet string is gone forevermore.
I have so, so, so been self-censoring a post about my period.
Between the two pregnancies close together and nursing the resulting babies, I have had 4 periods since 2005...and only 1 period since baby #2 was born LAST JULY. Hell of all hells doused in a healthy serving of hell. I gotta say for me that the blood (while horrifying) is more manageable than the accompanying hormonal fits and starts and insanity caused by this damned engine trying to roar itself to life again. I've mentally been to a place where murdering randoms on the street seems like a perfectly reasonable way to spend an afternoon.
I cannot believe how many years of menstrual cycles I have left. I am seriously tempted to go Duggar just to avoid the whole business. Puking my way through the day for the rest of my fertile years seems downright delightful compared to the rage I can muster at fucking asparagus right now.
I need the courage to post about this and I give you mad props.
Yeah, I'm a walking horror flick over here, and I dig the cup. I have to deal with it every 90 minutes for about a half day each cycle -- same as it was with the Tampax.
I get a bit astounded when I think of the money and cotton I've saved since I got this thing.
This speaks to one of my fears about beginning trying to think about having children. The rest are more irrational, but really, why must it all be fear.
Mirenia. More effective than the pill. Nothing to take daily, and many women don't get a period at all. I haven't had one since I got pregnant 2 1/2 years ago.
The first period I had after both my pregnancies were awful but after 1 or 2 bad ones they go back to normal. In fact, since I had the first baby my periods have been lighter and without pain! It will go back to normal - no worries!
As one of your few mature, responsible, and intellectually sound male readers, I only have one thing to say:
EEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW.
Oh goodness - how to make this into a comment instead of a full-fledged blog post in its own right? I am right there with you!!!!! Before being preggers, I'd been on the pill for 15 years and periods were no biggie. Due to a health issue (looooong effing story), I got my first period post-having twins last December (the girls were 14 months). Each month since then has had two good weeks, one week of feeling like I'm an emotional spaz and one week of bleeding in a way that has made me consider wearing Depends instead of tampons.
As for the Diva Cup, my sister and I were just talking about that the other day. She said that she tried something similar for a few months but it was such a mess taking it out (if you didn't do it JUST RIGHT) that she kept looking like she had just left a crime scene. Not a good look, to be sure.
You know my love of the Diva Cup and I totally think it does hold more than a tampon BUT I was posting to suggest the Mirena as well, about which I have heard nothing but good things. You still get the sweet tasty hormones, but I think they are in a lower dose as they are right there with your lady bizness, and do not have far to travel.
I'm off the pill now, too. The cramps are awful, but I'm actually worried because the flow isn't any more than when I was on the pill, and I'm imagining it's going to be a sign of infertility (even though I got pregnant on the first try with #1 son).
I worry about going for decades on the pill, too. I also worry about consuming aspartame every day, but not enough to stop doing it. Sometimes I want to say to the uber-healthy, alternative medicine granola people, JUST SHUT UP and stop ruining the joys of modern chemistry for everyone!
My doctor told me the pill is the most tested drug on the planet and it will not give me cancer. To which I though, yeah, maybe. You could make that statement if you knew the cause of every cancer case, but the cause is unknown for probably 99% of cancers. Oh well, I'm going to die of something. I might as well not suffer while I'm alive.
Diet coke and the pill are the greatest.
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