Friday, April 25, 2008
Squalor
Yesterday one of my colleagues laughed out loud in the break room while reading a magazine column about housecleaning shortcuts. She called me over and asked, still laughing and shaking her head in disbelief, "Melinda, how often do you change your bathroom towels?"Now you all know me, or at least have read this blog once or twice before. You know I am a filthy spectacle of a human being. I backed away from my colleague, all "um, no, not interested in going down this path with you, oh ye of the ironed blouse." But she persisted. "This article says it's ok to change your towels once every six or seven days," she announced, repeating herself for emphasis. "SIX or SEVEN days! Can you believe that?"
Now, if this had been me and the husband sitting on the couch reading that article, I would have made the same announcement, only it would have sounded more like "Six or seven DAYS! Can you believe that?" As in, "Can you believe that some people measure the amount of time between towel-changes in days? Aren't we scheduled to break out a new hand towel in July?" I'm sure I've mentioned it on the blog before, but let me remind you in case you're not carrying this little nugget around in a locket close to your heart: when I was in college, I owned one towel. One. And I can assure you that that bad boy was not frequently washed. The husband was the same. In fact, we still own both his and my College Towels, as a reminder of the bond that brought us together and holds us dear.
Since college, I've come a long way in terms of cleanliness, mostly because there was really nowhere to go but up. I take out the trash, I clean the floors, I sanitize kitchen counter tops and *occasionally* remove old food from the fridge before it grows tri-colored mold. Last week I scrubbed the bathroom until it shone and Cletus watched, entranced -- I don't think she realized that the shower walls were supposed to be white. But I still suck at dealing with linens. Our sheets are rarely changed, except for Cletus' and that's only because even I draw the line at sleeping in the remnants of last night's poo. The slipcovers on our couches are gross and dotted with blotches where Frodo the Pug licked a discarded graham cracker crumb into the very fiber of the fabric.
I think that I was raised doing certain chores -- washing dishes, sweeping the floor, picking up my room, doing laundry -- and those are the bits of housework that now comprise my essentials. Like, the husband's mom never forced him to make his bed when he was growing up; therefore, today he makes his bed by lifting the comforter off the floor and piling it atop his person at bedtime. Having lived in apartments for the past ten years, he and I have never had to take care of more than six small rooms at a time. Now we're going to be moving into this lovely house, a lovely house for which we finally have an official closing date and time (May 29th! 3:30!). And we're going to have to take care of two whole floors full of rooms, a basement, a garage, and front and back lawns. Two bathrooms to clean! Hardwoods to mop AND carpet to vacuum! Neighbors who won't invite us to their potlucks if we clean off under a garden hose in the unraked leaf-pit of our front yard.
Is there, like, a course I can take on this kind of stuff? "Learn How To Stop Living Like a Twenty Two Year Old And Be the Responsible Adult You Were Supposed to Become Before Reproducing." How did you guys figure out how to take care of a home, those of you who are living in one?
by Melinda at 1:15 PM |
15 Comments:
This is me. I'm trying to get some skills before December when we're having a baby. I don't know where I went wrong, my sisters and I cleaned the house top to bottom every Saturday growing up. I blame my husband, he with the mother who could do surgery on her bathroom floor it's so clean. He never had to lift a finger. Still takes him 7 days to finish a load of dishes and he wouldn't notice a rotting head of lettuce if it was dissolving in the middle of the kitchen floor.
Oh man. Okay, you read my blog. You know I'm something of a cleaning nerd, possibly one who could benefit from medication. I more or less use that Motivated Moms system I have referenced on multiple occasions. But I'd really prefer you'd stay just the way you are, because it's hilarious to read about. And you'll probably live longer if you can stay all chill about household tidiness (or lack thereof).
Do you have any new-ish furniture or appliances and such that will go into your new home? Nothing makes me clean my shit up like having plunked down straight cash for it all. Like, when we moved into our house, we had to buy a new fridge. It was not cheap. And so now, I care for it like a weird fridge fetishist because if it gets gross, or the salad drawers crack or whatever, I am responsible! I have paid money! I can't just call the landlord if it busts.
Man, I'm in the same boat. I'm trying to figure out the cleaning of an entire house with multiple floors and bathrooms thing. I copied Big W and used the Motivated Moms system, which worked fine in our small 6 room rental. But now I am overwhelmed. Thus, it looks like a hurricane has swept through, depositing papers, and brightly colored plastic shit everywhere.
I wonder if this kind of thing is genetic? Like, either you're born with an aversion to dustbunnies, or not?
Dude: flylady.net
I ignore it most of the time - you've been in my home so I'm not going to pretend like I am some sort of paragon of cleanliness - but it's a good place to get started. Now that you're going to have all that time on your hands, you can develop some good habits.
One word: party. As in, have lots. That is the best way to get your house clean and groovy. I'm unorganized with a high tolerance for filth and also a packrat. Cleaning don't come easy, which has haunted me all these years of having more animals than humans in the house. But I'll say this: I moved into my first (rental) house in 1995, and I got really into taking care of the place. I think it helps if you're motivated by the concept of house style. I would get those books from the library about "flea market style" and "junk style" and just go to town making my house look cute. And then I'd have to clean it along the way. I'm not great at it but I've come a long way since the days of youth, when my dad actually took my bedroom door off its hinges until I had properly cleaned my room. Yes, he did.
wow. I have a friend who NEVER cleans her bathroom. Her once-white bathtub is a murky disgusting grey and I am appalled that she lets her children bathe in it....yet she is still a remarkably awesome human being.
She leaves her period-stained bathing suit on the towel rack for all to see...yet she is still an awesome mom, friend, wife, human.
Who do you want to be clean for? If the idea of having people over fills you with shame, you will find a way to clean. If you have more important things to do, do the more important things. But maybe change the handtowels if someone's coming over, or your friends will soon learn to use the washroom BEFORE they come over to your place. Like I do with my shitty housekeeper/awesome person friend. Her bathroom smells sooooo bad.
have no advice, but I can not stop laughing!
I am totally a scheduled towel changer and no one else in the house is. So basically I drive everyone NUTS.
Embrace your true, steady towel self as the flip side comes with a morning dose of anti-anxiety pills.
:)
I basically grew up in squalor, because my mom was never a very good housekeeper. So, I think I tend to overcompensate now and like my house fresh and clean. It's much easier now that my kids are grown and gone and I just try to keep up with it so it doesn't overwhelm me with having to do some much at one time. For instance, I spray that foamy bathroom cleaner in the shower sometimes in the morning, then take a shower. Voila! A clean tub! You might have to go over it with a rag, but it's basically clean. Having said all that, my laundry is piled up and my hardwood floors have an inch of dust on them because I have been busy with fun things like baby showers and going to see "Menopause, the Musical". So, don't let the fun part of your life come before the housecleaning! You can always clean later. (I do change my towels every week, though. That's not a big deal and doesn't require a great deal of time. I AM lazy about changing my sheets, though.)
I just made a big list of things that are supposed to be done weekly. when I have a few minutes I go down the list to see what still needs to be done. I just love marking things off the list so that's my motivation (yeah, not a clean house...a marked off list!). I put it in a plastic page cover so I can use dry erase marker instead of wasting a bunch of paper.
I'm also a huge fan of Motivated Moms. They're a little nuts, too, when it comes to the towel-changing, so I just cross out stuff I think is excessive or doesn't apply to me.
Oooh goody! My favorite topic--cleaning!
Aside from the religious tones, flylady.net is awesome. She also has a book "Sink Reflections" in case you wanted to page through something as opposed to clicking around the site.
She's encouraging and doesn't make you feel like a dumbass for not knowing how to keep your shit together. Her system isn't overwhelming either. That's my suggestion. (and I have her almighty feather duster if you want to borrow it because I'm a huge dork)
I also like the party idea and the spend-your-own-money idea. They all work!
I have yet to live in an entire house (only 1/2 at the most) but here's my two cents.
I agree with the having people over so you clean theory. That's the only motivator for us to vacuum so far. I love having people over because our places looks and feels so nice when it's done.
I also like to rearrange furniture, like two or three times a year usually. This also leads to more intensive cleaning due to being able to see just how much pet hair ends up under the sofa or bed.
We keep using our bath towels until they start to smell funky, definitely longer than 6-7 days. I do have a bit of a linens obsession, but that's with buying pretty or funky sheets. I don't change them that regularly though. It's like yarn I guess. I like to amass but that doesn't mean I use it.
That course is called: Hire a cleaning service once or twice a month and forget about it. The shock of cleaning a big ol' house will hurt you: Your brain, your feelings, your relationship. For reals. Clean ing ser vice. Four best words known to humankind.
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