Monday, April 28, 2008
Ode to the checkout guy at Jewel
Oh checkout guy at Jewel.You stare blankly at the fennel placed before you.
You page slowly through a black plastic binder.
"It's fennel," the woman in front of me offers.
You look up, consider this.
You return to the binder.
It is five minutes later. I have grown old.
"Do you know what it would be under?" you ask the woman.
The woman blinks.
"Do you know where I can find it?" you ask again,
holding out the binder.
"Um," she says. "Try with the onions."
"Try with the herbs, too," I say.
Oh checkout guy at Jewel.
Read your binder, do.
Finally, you give up. Surrender. Ask Dante in Aisle 4 for help.
He calls out a number. You type it in.
The number is wrong.
The woman does not care. She says, "I will pay.
Sweet God, I will pay."
My turn now, I hand you my bananas, my diapers, my yellow onions.
You hold the bag of bulbs. You turn it over and over.
You ask, "Do you know how much this is?"
Oh checkout guy at Jewel. No I do not.
That is for you to know.
"Do you know where you found this?" you ask.
I point. "Over there," I say, "with all the other onions.
Under the sign that says 'onions'."
You follow my gaze. You push hair from your eyes. You say,
"I'll be right back."
And then you leave.
Oh checkout guy at Jewel, you leave, and I am standing here still,
alone, with bananas,
and you are walking so slowly
and you are looking for the onions
and I will never see my family again.
by Melinda at 1:51 PM |
14 Comments:
fucking brilliant
See, even the fast food restaurants have standards - that's why they get jobs at markets.
and btw - I HATE THESE FRIGGIN WORD VERIFICATIONS.
Move to wordpress, dammit.
Holy shit.
That is all.
Indeed.
Also, fennel is delicious.
Marvelous.
"Oh checkout guy at Jewel. No I do not. That is for you to know."
Sooo true.
loved this
-K
... but did you bring your own reusable bags with you, per your previous post??
Or did you have enough time to crochet one or two while you waited?
I think that guy used to work at the grocery store by my house... *sigh*
beautiful.
it's just a shame the checkout guy in question (along with my regular checkout guy) would never understand the humor in this. or know the product number for beets.
I have this great fennel and shrimp dish that I could probably make in the amount of time it took you to leave.
Ahhh, Supah Jewel brings back memories. Used to live in Evanston.
Thanks for the visit, you may be my new bf -- been a Suns fan since birth. No idea what Kerr was thinking, but I'm guessing he's just trying to sabotage the organization. That's the paranoia I live with these days.
That is brilliant. Seriously.
(BlondiePi at http://blondiepi.blogspot.com/ sent me).
As the others have said... BRILLIANT!
Good Job!: )
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